By Madeline Vera
I walked into the bathroom and turned on the light. My eyes went to the mirror, to my reflection, to my eyes. I stood frozen just inspecting myself I began to wonder how other people saw me. It seems like everyday I look in this mirror and see someone different. Some days the face in the mirror looks pretty. Other days my hair and clothes say creativity and my eyes twinkle confidence. Then there are the days were no matter what I do I am not satisfied with that image in the mirror. Days when my eyes look sad and confused; my head seems permanently tilted down; my shoulders rounded like everything is trying to curl up and hide in a ball.
Today all I can see is my eyes and I am searching for some truth. Everything and everyone in this world lies. I do not even trust myself; often my mind lies to me with denial. Although I carry a curse, I believe it to be a curse; my eyes tell how I am feeling. If I am not careful, if I act without thinking, anyone can see the true me. To hide this since I use to be an actress I somehow transcended that off the stages into my real life. It is not clear to me whether I act throughout the day to deceive others, to hide my eyes, or just to deceive myself. When you create your life into a play it is easy to sit comfortably on your web of denial.
The funny thing is I consider myself a really honest person. If I tell a lie the guilt eats away at me inside. The idea of doing something dishonest makes me nervous and sick. And yet day after day I act confident, happy, charming, funny, and I am not sure where the characters I play end and I begin. So here I stand and stare. Searching and searching looking for me in my eyes. A single solitary tear rolls down my cheek. With a deep breath I decide just for today I will be me. Today I will allow my eyes to let in others and let them know me.
Just for today I will not lie, even to myself. Maybe just for today I will break that web.